On holding hands with the darkness in times of change
I love a sunny day, blue skies with enough clouds to let my imagination run wild and play freely…I look up and I see circles, and I wonder…What do circles mean to each of us, what do circles bring to us, and what do we bring into them.
Until only ten years ago, all circles meant to me was sleepless nights of repetitive thoughts, downwards spiralling toxic relationships, never ending circles of pain and drama, some might know just what I mean…other would deny it.
Somehow life based on drama had enough of me...and the circles spat me out. I found myself in different kind of circles.
Holding hands, feeling vulnerable, but feeling nonetheless.
Truly feeling, moving, dancing, knowing what I feel and not what the latest self-help book had to explain about me. Feeling with all its facets, feeling raw, feeling itchy, feeling stiff, feeling angry, feeling joy, entering my body, and arriving to the experience of being my own self.
There was no guru to enlighten me, I was the light.
And more and more I opened my eyes to these circles I came to see that people, all kinds of people, all around the world, they were all doing the same. People were sitting in circles holding hands.
Children sat around fires at forest school, women’s circles, girls’ circles, men’s circles, hippie circles, story-telling circles, circles were back in the game, and what’s more, they were changing the game.
The power circles have, to hold, to contain, to cultivate and to create, it is magical, magic happening right here in our lives.
And now I look around at the world, social distancing on the streets, and eyes red from zoom calls, and I wonder, zoom is square, where have the circles gone?!
And I search and dance and move, and it is narrowing down, it is a lockdown, it is getting tight, and it is getting deep and I find the circles within.
This time there is no drama, it is spacious, it is clear, despite being very dark. At times it is messy, but it is mine, my circle, my breath, my very cycle of life.
And it begins to move, it has always been moving, circles do just that, they circulate. It expands and expands, and its vastness is immense. On its way out, it touches many, it goes larger then my city, it reaches out into the whole world.
There is a circle that runs outside of things and very, very deep within...
With its movement, the circle brings down all that is square, all that is not from the heart, it brings down the fear of viruses, the fear of touching another body, and it crashes down the fear of conspiracy, then it breaks the need for conspiracy. It breaks down all the numerous articles, the news had gone, no more announcements, all drops.
And I sit in the middle of that circle and wonder once again, like many others wonder right now, where is the light, what would happen this summer.
Where does one summer in such uncertain times?
Amongs the chaos, a calm thought arrives to me….”No one knows what is actually going to happen this summer, no one”.
What we all know for sure, we all, the children, the old ones, the vulnerable and the homeless on the streets, the middles class, the upper class, the no class, the untouchables, the poets and the vagabonds, we all know one thing, and we all look forward to it, summer, there will be summer.
Summer is coming and coming again. And then it hits me, four seasons yet they make a perfect circle…the circle of life.
So although mathematics say four is square, I say, four makes a circle.
Perhaps, I wonder, in that case, Zoom could make a circle…and as I say that, I feel it does.
And right now, as I sense another breath effortlessly circling around my whole body, I have a feeling, I hold your hand, and you, you are holding mine.